Uxorious

Uxorious: Foolishly fond of or submissive to your wife

Oh dear, how I long to get home to see you. I’ve come, are you happy? Hmm, I see, well, that’s no good, I’ll take out the trash for you, so just sit tight and wait for me, okay? Is there anything else you’d like dear? Oh, I see, the children are still out there playing in our yard. I guess it would be prudent for me to go out and make sure they never bother you again. But if I do that, it’ll just be what everyone wants isn’t it? Oh I see. I guess it wouldn’t matter in the end, but, I wouldn’t want anything to tear away the time we have together. But if I were to go, it would waste even more time. Oh what a conundrum dear, oh how it boils my blood! But if you do not wish for me to do anything, I will happily abide. So, what will we have for dinner? The usual? It wouldn’t be so good to eat so much dessert for dinner, you know that right? But, if you wish to have so much dessert for dinner, I will be happy to have the coldest cubes of ice, and the smoothest ice cream that money can buy. Oh how beautiful your darkened skin is, in the slow light of your room, oh how I wish I could bring you out into the world. But if I did, I would be in a lot of trouble. Oh, how cruel the mother of love is, to hide you from this world. Oh how I wish I could frolic in fields of roses as we did when we were young. Nonetheless, I must attend to finding you a better suited sarcophagus, one that doesn’t have insulation.

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Umbrage

Umbrage: A feeling of anger caused by being offended

Did you hear the hear way that guy spoke!? Relax man, he didn’t mean any harm, you know that. That’s not the point. That guy had no damn respect, doesn’t he know who the hell he’s talking to!? Guess not. But, who the hell does? Look, can a guy just get some damn respect out here? Is that so hard to ask, Italics? You don’t need to ask for respect. Actually, the only proper way to garner respect is actually earning it Typeface. But still that guy had the galls to just… To just be so… So brazen that it pisses me off! Well he was Bold after all. Haven’t heard of him have you? You know I don’t keep up with politics. And that’s why no one ever respects you. I seriously feel like punching something. Don’t. You’ll just be even less respected, if that’s possible. Say, why do you still hang around me then? I’ve probably the worst reputation here. Aren’t you in it good around these parts? Well, maybe it just feels right, you know. Hanging around a vagrant like you is kind of relaxing. Seriously? You’re one weird dude man. Yeah but, I just like being special you know. No one else has the privilege of hanging out with a tried and true thug like yourself. Nah, I think I’m pretty normal. I’m probably just like ninety-nine percent of everyone else out here. Don’t kid yourself.

Toady

Toady: A person who tries to please someone to gain an advantage

Oh sir, would you please hand me your glass? If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you are getting up, in that case, allow me to hold the door for you. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you should not trouble yourself with him, I will guide him out. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you should not allow yourself to be spoken in such a way, I will teach him a lesson. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you wish for him to be terminated, I will see to it that he is gone. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you wish for me to leave, in that case, I have no choice but to stop serving you, thank you for your continued gratitude. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. After all, I will no longer be needing your service either.

Tawdry

Tawdry: Tastelessly showy

If I were to cajole you into an acrimonious mood would it be pernicious? Or would it simply be laudable on the account that I pretend to be adroit? Or perhaps it is simply insidious, a slow gait with tacit in an aplomb symphony. Though, I wouldn’t peg myself as very idiosyncratic, nor would I be filled with alacrity. The only thing I can possibly feel in this situation is eminent. No, that would be a jest, it would send you on a diatribe and I would be compounded into a state of interminable consternation. Ah, no maybe not so. Would you let me have the chance to reveal the clandestine feelings within me? This isn’t that kind of story at all, no, this is hardly an aphorism, and by the time you’ve gotten to this point you may be thinking that I’m stringing together an arbitrary, abject, ostentatious pile of mush.  You’re right. I’m nothing like the person you think I am. I shouldn’t pretend. I should just be me. It’s a lot easier anyway. To just breath the air you breath, to be another gear in the system, a symbol nail on a board. I’ll live my life like this, drifting in the wind without a care in the world.

Sibylline

Sibylline: Resembling or characteristic of a prophet or prophecy

Don’t you ever wonder if you can predict the future? Wouldn’t that be a boring world? Is that what you think? Wouldn’t it be quite fun to know what will happen tomorrow? Where’s the fun in that? I mean, you could prepare to stop the inevitable. And why would you do that? It would be interesting to see what would happen once you’ve changed the future. Imagine it like this, if tomorrow were to rain and everybody knew about it, people would change their plans, right? Right, I wouldn’t want to go out if it’s raining. And maybe people would buy those umbrellas they were planning to buy on a rainy day. Yes, I certainly still need to. And you see, if people thought it was raining tomorrow, they would think, ‘oh how loathsome it would be if it rained tomorrow’ and do all sorts of things to prepare for a drowsy day.  Certain people might, and certain people might not care. But I see your point. It would be quite fun to mess with those people now wouldn’t it? Quite so. And so, if you knew the future, wouldn’t it be fun? Certainly not for those who’d be on the receiving end of that fun. Certainly not.

Salubrious

Salubrious: Promoting health

Hey, have you seen that guy over there? You mean the one who’s got that sign up saying the world’s going to end? Yeah. Word on the street says he’s also the guy who’s been passing around that weird recipe to all the neighbors. Weird recipe? You know, the one that has like five different grasses in it. Suppose it’s true? People will believe anything you tell them these days. Health fanatics like him can turn in a pretty dime  just by spouting a bunch of B.S. You know what would be funny? What? If the world really does end like that guy says, then that means his miracle recipe would have actually worked. Wouldn’t that be a shame? The world ends but no one will be there to prove that his recipe actually worked. Must be hard being right, then. Yeah. No thank you, I’d rather be wrong and have the world stay as it is. Though, that also sounds pretty bad, you can at least be right about the miracle recipe. As long as it doesn’t include five different grasses.

Recant

Recant: Formally reject or disavow a formerly held belief

Has he come yet? Who? The one who will save us from this interminable damnation. He who is foretold in all of the prophecies young and old who will shine holy fire to those who so go against his word. Have you no word of him? He is told to come, I know it, I believe it, everyone so believes it, and so, it must be true. He will save us from this painful existence, and he will bring us to salvation, if not him, then who? I will wait for all that is good in this world until he who is destined to save us descend upon this mortal realm. When is he coming? I have waited all my life for him, and yet, he has not  come. We have waited patiently for his arrival. Will he not come answer our prayers? Where is he? It can’t be, he will come. We will wait, until the day we die. Has he come yet? Is that so? We will wait, until the very last breath we take, to see him save our souls from this place of rot. It is so that he will never come. I can see that now. No matter how long we wait, he will not save us from this existence. We will die in peace.

Recalcitrant

Recalcitrant: Stubbornly resistant to authority or control

I’m a run-on sentence, which means that if I don’t create new words, I’ll eventually stop, but, grammatically, I’m the worst enemy of every high school teacher and the demise of every university student, and by all means, despite how tiring it might be to have a person read me with all of the haughtily placed punctuations to continue my existence, I am grateful that I can exist as an entity, after all, run-on sentences aren’t always the enemy to all literary mankind, no, there are many instances where a run-on sentence can be quite useful, for example, if one were to need to indicate a stream of consciousness then of course a run-on sentence would be used since a stream of consciousness is just that a stream of consciousness and nothing more nothing less it’s a collection of words and things that come together to try and string a cohesive thought and nothing less raw and more stringent can perfectly encapsulate what it is to be a human than the chaos and rush of a run-on sentence so much so that if I were to ever find myself in the bounds of a period I would hate it to the point or rebelling against the one who created me.

Quash

Quash: Put down by force or intimidation

Get your damn hands down! Okay, that didn’t work. Get on your damn knees, grovel to the floor, and make sure you don’t look up! No, he’s still looking. Okay. I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not kissing that dirt then you’re going to be in big trouble. One. Two. Three. I just looked silly. Damn it kid if you were my own son, I’d disown you! What?  What’d you say? You’d just kill yourself!? That’s drastic. Okay, last warning, are you going to come here, or not? It wasn’t the last warning. Christ kid, how far up is that stick you got? Damn job isn’t paying me enough. Look, I’m being paid by the hour, and, you’re wasting daylight by the hour. We’ve got a mutual understanding on that, but, if I don’t get you in there, I’m the one who’s out a job. Hell, I’d rather not be working this anyway. Maybe I’ll just let the kid go. Now that’ll be a story. Seriously, I’m authorized to use blunt trauma, you really don’t want to tread down this road, kid. I hate having to do this. You forced me. Sweet dreams idiot.

Quaff

Quaff: To swallow hurriedly or greedily or in one draught

There wasn’t any room for mistake, and there sure as hell wasn’t any room to wait. My boys behind me were clattering there feet to and fro the counter and to the car we had parked just out the door. We blew the cameras out first thing we got in, and checked the entire premise for any loose guards. It was like stealing candy from a baby, except, there was no joy in seeing anyone cry. The night was going to be a long one and the city seemed to be in a deep sleep. We had finally hit a gold mine, except there was no room for mistake, or to wait, and yet, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the manager’s forgotten sandwich just sitting at the counter. Everyone told me to hurry on with it and to start moving green, but, I hadn’t eaten dinner in preparation to the hit. I was chosen to stake out the place, and, to be frank, I wished I had eaten steak. It gnawed at me the entire day, the manager left his food on the counter, and never returned to get it. And, standing face to face with it then, it took every ounce of my will power to stave off that temptation. The thing is, we were flawless in what we did. We pick locked the doors, shot out the cameras, and we’re all fitted in black masks and gloves. We’re practically untraceable, not a single hair in sight. But the moment I go for that sandwich, I know I’ll lose myself and I’ll blow our cover. And so, as we were leaving the store, I grabbed the damn sandwich, ran out of the store as fast as I could and wolfed the bloody thing down in a single chew. Hardest job of my life.