Recalcitrant

Recalcitrant: Stubbornly resistant to authority or control

I’m a run-on sentence, which means that if I don’t create new words, I’ll eventually stop, but, grammatically, I’m the worst enemy of every high school teacher and the demise of every university student, and by all means, despite how tiring it might be to have a person read me with all of the haughtily placed punctuations to continue my existence, I am grateful that I can exist as an entity, after all, run-on sentences aren’t always the enemy to all literary mankind, no, there are many instances where a run-on sentence can be quite useful, for example, if one were to need to indicate a stream of consciousness then of course a run-on sentence would be used since a stream of consciousness is just that a stream of consciousness and nothing more nothing less it’s a collection of words and things that come together to try and string a cohesive thought and nothing less raw and more stringent can perfectly encapsulate what it is to be a human than the chaos and rush of a run-on sentence so much so that if I were to ever find myself in the bounds of a period I would hate it to the point or rebelling against the one who created me.

Quaff

Quaff: To swallow hurriedly or greedily or in one draught

There wasn’t any room for mistake, and there sure as hell wasn’t any room to wait. My boys behind me were clattering there feet to and fro the counter and to the car we had parked just out the door. We blew the cameras out first thing we got in, and checked the entire premise for any loose guards. It was like stealing candy from a baby, except, there was no joy in seeing anyone cry. The night was going to be a long one and the city seemed to be in a deep sleep. We had finally hit a gold mine, except there was no room for mistake, or to wait, and yet, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the manager’s forgotten sandwich just sitting at the counter. Everyone told me to hurry on with it and to start moving green, but, I hadn’t eaten dinner in preparation to the hit. I was chosen to stake out the place, and, to be frank, I wished I had eaten steak. It gnawed at me the entire day, the manager left his food on the counter, and never returned to get it. And, standing face to face with it then, it took every ounce of my will power to stave off that temptation. The thing is, we were flawless in what we did. We pick locked the doors, shot out the cameras, and we’re all fitted in black masks and gloves. We’re practically untraceable, not a single hair in sight. But the moment I go for that sandwich, I know I’ll lose myself and I’ll blow our cover. And so, as we were leaving the store, I grabbed the damn sandwich, ran out of the store as fast as I could and wolfed the bloody thing down in a single chew. Hardest job of my life.

Paucity

Paucity: An insufficient quantity or number

There is a shortage of. A dearth of. A minuscule amount. Too little. Not enough. We need more. That’s only a fraction of what we need. That’s a minute amount. Half empty. Half full. Requiring more. That stock is too tiny. What we need is lowering.  Gather more. Our shares are plummeting. The world’s water supply is growing short. Our stocks are short. That’s it? That’s barely a pint. Error, please input a value greater than zero. You can’t pay? The mortgage is killing you? The taxes aren’t high enough? Oh, no, it is. We don’t have enough funding? The fundraiser won’t go through? Not enough people registered? There isn’t enough land? There isn’t enough crops? What do you mean not everyone will have a home? We won’t make it to mars?   How much heads do they want? We won’t be able to make it anyway, we’re not killers. We won’t make the play offs? They don’t have enough starters? At first, there weren’t enough examples for the point to be made, and as thus, I guess you could say, that when I first began this thing, there was a paucity of examples.

Palliative

Palliative:  Moderating pain or sorrow by making it easier to bear

What are you doing? Cutting away half your heart. Why would you do that? So that I can share half a heart with you. Why would that be necessary? So that the tears you cry, and the screams that erupt no longer feel as full. You’re going to cut away half my heart to do that? Is it too much? No. No, it’s fine, but, that means you’ll feel half of the urges. The urges? Along with my dismay, you’ll have to experience with me everything that I experience. That means, whenever I’m sad, or angry, or want to shove a knife down my throat, you’ll have to suffer through the same emotions. It won’t be that bad. It’ll only be half. You’ll have to live every single day in complete agony as your mind will tell you things that you’ll never want to hear. Is that how it is with you? Yes. It is. I’ve always been alone like this, feeling like the world has its shoulders on me, crushing my bones. Now, it’ll crush both of us. Exactly, so you– But, that’s how science works. You spread force across a larger surface and the damage is lessened. You’re the first person to ever help me. I won’t be the last. How can you be so sure? Because half of a half, isn’t so bad.

Obfuscate

Obfuscate: Make obscure or unclear

What did he say? You don’t know? Why don’t you know?  You can’t say? Is it good? Or is it bad? You don’t know? Well, is it good in terms of the situation? Good? Then that’s good. But it still isn’t that good, right? I guess not. It’s pretty bad then, if he can’t stand up. His legs? Oh yeah…And his arms too right? I don’t know, it was pretty dark out. Lights? Out. Twenty, twenty five, yeah, something like that. Drunk? Not really, it was a hour on the dot, I watched the hand. Yeah, the other man bit the dust. He was going fifty-five, drunk as all hell. To the left, we dodged a bullet but ate a rock. It’s fine, no need, you said it’s good right? Yeah, I mean, we probably don’t need to worry about that. I contacted them, they’re more worried about this than the war. I know, thank god. Do you know when he’ll be able to move? I guess not.

Noetic

Noetic: Of or associated with or requiring the use of the mind

Do you know why gods exist? What do you mean? I mean why religion exists, why we create gods and why we choose to believe in them. I’ve never been one for religion, so I can’t really say. Well, let me tell you something then. Gods exist because we exist, sound simple enough? Yeah, I’d say that’s common sense. Well, then how about this, god exists because we require someone to lead us. Okay, I mean that also makes sense. Now consider this, god exists because we not only require someone to lead us, we require someone to give us faith. Sure, faith is a good thing. Right, faith is a really good thing, but why god? Why god? Yeah, why did we go towards a being that we can’t see or feel, a being that is magical, and not something normal? Normal? Yeah, like crops, or animals. Crops and animals are part of religious ceremony yes, but gods are always attached. Exactly, we give our offerings, we give what we make to people who we create in our heads. Well, it’s not like we give a lot. You’re right, we only offer a little of what we make so that we can survive, but let me ask you one more thing. Okay. If there was a god, then why hasn’t he shown us any appreciation? Well, that’s just semantics. For all we know, our gods are our kings, presidents and queens, and yet we treat them as poorly as we do our criminals. I mean, that’s an exaggeration. It’s not an exaggeration when we can barely stand who rules over us, our bosses, our parents, is it not the same?

Niggle

Niggle: Worry unnecessarily or excessively

Am I going to pass? Am I working hard enough?  Am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? Am I going to have a future? Am I going to find love? Am I going to be able to find something that I want to do? Do I have enough money? Do I have enough friends? Do I have enough passion? Do I have enough socks? Do I have enough clothes? Do I have enough sleep? Do I have enough worries in my life? Do I have enough paper? Do I have enough medicine? Should I try harder? Should I wear something longer? Should I cut my hair? Should I go out? Should I try and find love? Should I ask for help? Should I show my emotions? Should I stay in? Should I tell him? How can I improve? How can I get more sleep? How can I get better marks? How can I overwork myself to death? How can I find something I love? How can I find someone I love? How can I lose sleep? How can I break myself? How can I take my life and turn it into brittle glass? How can I lose my depression?

Malaise

Malaise: A general feeling of discomfort, uneasiness, or depression

My hands became dark. My legs became dark. My eyes exerted nothing but darkness. The world around me was darkness. The sounds that tried to enter my hears turned into darkness. It was strange hearing darkness. But the best way I can explain what hearing darkness was, was that it was a little less than the sound of T.V static, but a little more than the pounding of my heart. The darkness reverberating the more I tried to concentrate. It began pounding in my dark chest, pounding and pounding until I could feel my guts and my ribs proceed my body. My blood was dark. My bones were dark. My heart was dark. I tried to grasp onto that darkened feeling inside of me, but it only slipped out of my dark fingers. My world was dark.

Maculate

Maculate: Spot, stain, or pollute

The earth was spinning. The moon was revolving. The sun was revolving. Everything in the world revolved around something. Even the sun that is at the center of our universe is revolving against a much larger entity outside our realm. Everything is revolving. There is always one center. And, we all revolve around something. However, our Earth has been damaged. It will continue to revolve long past our existence, and because of that it will prosper even more. We as an entity on our revolving Earth can only ever revolve around death. From the moment we were conceived, we have always been a point of contention for Earth, and yet we continue to live and destroy the home we have come to take so much advantage of. We as an existence are completely paradoxical in nature,  and in nature we give belief and religion. As we revolve around this revolving Earth, we will eventually find ourselves spinning out into a never ending miasma of poverty. And even then, that miasma is revolving around an entity of its own.

Lackadaisical

Lackadaisical: Lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy              

I sat watching as the end of the world heralded a new beginning. Everything was in flames while I sat miles away in a place unreachable by those flames. Everything was coming to an end before me, and yet that thought gave me immeasurable apathy. I saw to it that everything  about this world would burn up to ash and everything new would be born from those ashes. However, if I continued to stay where I was, watching as the world burned away before me in my own enclave, that resurrection would never occur. The world needed me to burn with it, the world needed me to be a part of that blazing glory. I didn’t care for the world. And so the world around me will continue to burn and light aflame, and the ashes that remain, will be left for the elements.