Ikigai

Ikigai (Japanese): A reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live.

It can be anything really. Nothing big needs to be had, just, at least, have something. For example: feeding your kids. Okay, maybe that’s jumping the gun. If you’re here, and you don’t know how to get there, maybe you don’t have kids. Maybe you never will. That’s fine. So if you don’t have someone else to provide for, why not, choose yourself? That’s too hard for you? Okay, what about saving up for a new…car or phone, or that interesting book that you know you’ll never read, but will keep your desk warm. Anything really. Something that can make you more than just the letters sprawled out in your name. Really, nothing big needs to be had, just anything. Something. Everyone needs something. Otherwise, can you really say you’re living? I mean, sure you can, but there’s a difference between living and being alive. And there’s a difference between being happy from the thought of going from today to tomorrow and being happy from forgetting that today eventually becomes tomorrow. Unless you really want to live mechanically, ticking away with rusted gears, until oil stops fueling you, then don’t have anything, but when you decide to find something, life will always be there waiting.

Advertisements

Curhat

Curhat(Indonesian): To share one’s story, the pouring of one’s heart, a casual act of opening up.

“And so, there we were, on the edge of knowing what a life together would be like, and you know what?”

What?

“That’s when he starts talking about some lady he’d been eyeing ever since we got out of the store!”

Was there something on her face?

“No.”

Was she… Wearing some strange outfit, or talking to herself, or is he a medium? Maybe she was possessed by the ghost of her grandmother, or father, or, just a ghost. Maybe he was worried that she’d be sucked into –

“I called to give you a story.”

It doesn’t sound like it’s going to be pleasant.

“It isn’t.”

Well, if it’s going to be like that, then I’m going to try my best to lighten the mood. I don’t want to sit here and give you a pity party.

“That’s not what I’m asking for.”

Well if it’s not, then let’s have some fun.

“But–“

What? Not serious enough for you? If he’s going to be eyeing other women when he’s got you, then you’ve got to lighten up too. If he’s not serious, then why should you?

“That’s…something I figured you’d come up with.”

I’m not sure what kind of impression you have of me.

“Well, you’re the type of person I’d call.”

Fair enough. So, it was a ghost right?

“How do you think it died?”

Te Quiero

Te Quiero(Spanish): More than “I like you,” but not “I love you”

The course of our parallel lines break in half, a wedge created to divert our movements, such that, we may never meet. In that sense, we were never parallel lines, but, congruent shapes, fusing in the way atoms do. Energy is released when we meet, and that energy is placed in a cycle, advancing life. But not our lives. Not ours. Our energy is absorbed by others, they watch and they match every smile we have, but it’s theirs. Not with you. Not with me. We’re congruent, in the same way that we meet in the same places, think the same things, and know exactly what words to finish each other’s – Of course we’re congruent shapes, meant to fit in the mold that we hold dear to our time, but not parallel lines. We won’t meet in the same place. Nor move in the same way that you want me to move. Not like this. Not like that. Not yet. That’s exactly it. Of course we’re congruent shapes, and of course I’ll find that we’re exactly the same in a whole since that’s why I’m still smiling. But that’s only it. Energy flows when we fuse like atoms, it’s hard to break us apart, molecular bonds are like that. But let’s leave it at that. For now. That’s all I can offer.

Quaff

Quaff: To swallow hurriedly or greedily or in one draught

There wasn’t any room for mistake, and there sure as hell wasn’t any room to wait. My boys behind me were clattering there feet to and fro the counter and to the car we had parked just out the door. We blew the cameras out first thing we got in, and checked the entire premise for any loose guards. It was like stealing candy from a baby, except, there was no joy in seeing anyone cry. The night was going to be a long one and the city seemed to be in a deep sleep. We had finally hit a gold mine, except there was no room for mistake, or to wait, and yet, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the manager’s forgotten sandwich just sitting at the counter. Everyone told me to hurry on with it and to start moving green, but, I hadn’t eaten dinner in preparation to the hit. I was chosen to stake out the place, and, to be frank, I wished I had eaten steak. It gnawed at me the entire day, the manager left his food on the counter, and never returned to get it. And, standing face to face with it then, it took every ounce of my will power to stave off that temptation. The thing is, we were flawless in what we did. We pick locked the doors, shot out the cameras, and we’re all fitted in black masks and gloves. We’re practically untraceable, not a single hair in sight. But the moment I go for that sandwich, I know I’ll lose myself and I’ll blow our cover. And so, as we were leaving the store, I grabbed the damn sandwich, ran out of the store as fast as I could and wolfed the bloody thing down in a single chew. Hardest job of my life.

Palliative

Palliative:  Moderating pain or sorrow by making it easier to bear

What are you doing? Cutting away half your heart. Why would you do that? So that I can share half a heart with you. Why would that be necessary? So that the tears you cry, and the screams that erupt no longer feel as full. You’re going to cut away half my heart to do that? Is it too much? No. No, it’s fine, but, that means you’ll feel half of the urges. The urges? Along with my dismay, you’ll have to experience with me everything that I experience. That means, whenever I’m sad, or angry, or want to shove a knife down my throat, you’ll have to suffer through the same emotions. It won’t be that bad. It’ll only be half. You’ll have to live every single day in complete agony as your mind will tell you things that you’ll never want to hear. Is that how it is with you? Yes. It is. I’ve always been alone like this, feeling like the world has its shoulders on me, crushing my bones. Now, it’ll crush both of us. Exactly, so you– But, that’s how science works. You spread force across a larger surface and the damage is lessened. You’re the first person to ever help me. I won’t be the last. How can you be so sure? Because half of a half, isn’t so bad.

Obfuscate

Obfuscate: Make obscure or unclear

What did he say? You don’t know? Why don’t you know?  You can’t say? Is it good? Or is it bad? You don’t know? Well, is it good in terms of the situation? Good? Then that’s good. But it still isn’t that good, right? I guess not. It’s pretty bad then, if he can’t stand up. His legs? Oh yeah…And his arms too right? I don’t know, it was pretty dark out. Lights? Out. Twenty, twenty five, yeah, something like that. Drunk? Not really, it was a hour on the dot, I watched the hand. Yeah, the other man bit the dust. He was going fifty-five, drunk as all hell. To the left, we dodged a bullet but ate a rock. It’s fine, no need, you said it’s good right? Yeah, I mean, we probably don’t need to worry about that. I contacted them, they’re more worried about this than the war. I know, thank god. Do you know when he’ll be able to move? I guess not.

Noetic

Noetic: Of or associated with or requiring the use of the mind

Do you know why gods exist? What do you mean? I mean why religion exists, why we create gods and why we choose to believe in them. I’ve never been one for religion, so I can’t really say. Well, let me tell you something then. Gods exist because we exist, sound simple enough? Yeah, I’d say that’s common sense. Well, then how about this, god exists because we require someone to lead us. Okay, I mean that also makes sense. Now consider this, god exists because we not only require someone to lead us, we require someone to give us faith. Sure, faith is a good thing. Right, faith is a really good thing, but why god? Why god? Yeah, why did we go towards a being that we can’t see or feel, a being that is magical, and not something normal? Normal? Yeah, like crops, or animals. Crops and animals are part of religious ceremony yes, but gods are always attached. Exactly, we give our offerings, we give what we make to people who we create in our heads. Well, it’s not like we give a lot. You’re right, we only offer a little of what we make so that we can survive, but let me ask you one more thing. Okay. If there was a god, then why hasn’t he shown us any appreciation? Well, that’s just semantics. For all we know, our gods are our kings, presidents and queens, and yet we treat them as poorly as we do our criminals. I mean, that’s an exaggeration. It’s not an exaggeration when we can barely stand who rules over us, our bosses, our parents, is it not the same?

Niggle

Niggle: Worry unnecessarily or excessively

Am I going to pass? Am I working hard enough?  Am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? Am I going to have a future? Am I going to find love? Am I going to be able to find something that I want to do? Do I have enough money? Do I have enough friends? Do I have enough passion? Do I have enough socks? Do I have enough clothes? Do I have enough sleep? Do I have enough worries in my life? Do I have enough paper? Do I have enough medicine? Should I try harder? Should I wear something longer? Should I cut my hair? Should I go out? Should I try and find love? Should I ask for help? Should I show my emotions? Should I stay in? Should I tell him? How can I improve? How can I get more sleep? How can I get better marks? How can I overwork myself to death? How can I find something I love? How can I find someone I love? How can I lose sleep? How can I break myself? How can I take my life and turn it into brittle glass? How can I lose my depression?

Malaise

Malaise: A general feeling of discomfort, uneasiness, or depression

My hands became dark. My legs became dark. My eyes exerted nothing but darkness. The world around me was darkness. The sounds that tried to enter my hears turned into darkness. It was strange hearing darkness. But the best way I can explain what hearing darkness was, was that it was a little less than the sound of T.V static, but a little more than the pounding of my heart. The darkness reverberating the more I tried to concentrate. It began pounding in my dark chest, pounding and pounding until I could feel my guts and my ribs proceed my body. My blood was dark. My bones were dark. My heart was dark. I tried to grasp onto that darkened feeling inside of me, but it only slipped out of my dark fingers. My world was dark.

Maculate

Maculate: Spot, stain, or pollute

The earth was spinning. The moon was revolving. The sun was revolving. Everything in the world revolved around something. Even the sun that is at the center of our universe is revolving against a much larger entity outside our realm. Everything is revolving. There is always one center. And, we all revolve around something. However, our Earth has been damaged. It will continue to revolve long past our existence, and because of that it will prosper even more. We as an entity on our revolving Earth can only ever revolve around death. From the moment we were conceived, we have always been a point of contention for Earth, and yet we continue to live and destroy the home we have come to take so much advantage of. We as an existence are completely paradoxical in nature,  and in nature we give belief and religion. As we revolve around this revolving Earth, we will eventually find ourselves spinning out into a never ending miasma of poverty. And even then, that miasma is revolving around an entity of its own.