Ikigai

Ikigai (Japanese): A reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live.

It can be anything really. Nothing big needs to be had, just, at least, have something. For example: feeding your kids. Okay, maybe that’s jumping the gun. If you’re here, and you don’t know how to get there, maybe you don’t have kids. Maybe you never will. That’s fine. So if you don’t have someone else to provide for, why not, choose yourself? That’s too hard for you? Okay, what about saving up for a new…car or phone, or that interesting book that you know you’ll never read, but will keep your desk warm. Anything really. Something that can make you more than just the letters sprawled out in your name. Really, nothing big needs to be had, just anything. Something. Everyone needs something. Otherwise, can you really say you’re living? I mean, sure you can, but there’s a difference between living and being alive. And there’s a difference between being happy from the thought of going from today to tomorrow and being happy from forgetting that today eventually becomes tomorrow. Unless you really want to live mechanically, ticking away with rusted gears, until oil stops fueling you, then don’t have anything, but when you decide to find something, life will always be there waiting.

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Aturdir

Aturdir (Spanish): The feeling of being overwhelmed, bewildered, or stunned to the point of being unable to focus or think straight.

The end of the world happens in one hour. It’s honestly great. You might think that when the world ends, people would riot on the streets, go crazy, purge. But that’s not the case at all. The city is riding on by just like always. The winds caress my skin like dull blades, and the same shoulders tackle me on their way to the station. The same panhandler, the same street artist, the same girl who sits by the window at the Tim’s waiting for… What is she waiting for? I’m not sure. But she’s been waiting there for the past few years. It’s these past few years that I’ve lived in the city, and no matter what, she was there. And beyond her, is the man who walks like everyone he knows has a knife and a gun and is ready to nab at whatever it is that’s hiding in his duffel bag. He slings it again today, and I hear the ruffle of whatever is inside. It sounds heavy. Like the bikes that roll down the bike lane, hovering over the cars that are using their horns way too much. Relax. Seriously. We’re down town. It’s okay if it’s slow. Construction is like that. Cranes been here since… Since I got here. What are they building? I live in a building not too far from the station. Every once in a while I like to go to the edges of the city, where I can breathe a little easier, and see my feet among the crowd. Other than that, the city isn’t all that bad. The nights are full. Right. That’s right. The world is ending. That means, there won’t be a night.

Uxorious

Uxorious: Foolishly fond of or submissive to your wife

Oh dear, how I long to get home to see you. I’ve come, are you happy? Hmm, I see, well, that’s no good, I’ll take out the trash for you, so just sit tight and wait for me, okay? Is there anything else you’d like dear? Oh, I see, the children are still out there playing in our yard. I guess it would be prudent for me to go out and make sure they never bother you again. But if I do that, it’ll just be what everyone wants isn’t it? Oh I see. I guess it wouldn’t matter in the end, but, I wouldn’t want anything to tear away the time we have together. But if I were to go, it would waste even more time. Oh what a conundrum dear, oh how it boils my blood! But if you do not wish for me to do anything, I will happily abide. So, what will we have for dinner? The usual? It wouldn’t be so good to eat so much dessert for dinner, you know that right? But, if you wish to have so much dessert for dinner, I will be happy to have the coldest cubes of ice, and the smoothest ice cream that money can buy. Oh how beautiful your darkened skin is, in the slow light of your room, oh how I wish I could bring you out into the world. But if I did, I would be in a lot of trouble. Oh, how cruel the mother of love is, to hide you from this world. Oh how I wish I could frolic in fields of roses as we did when we were young. Nonetheless, I must attend to finding you a better suited sarcophagus, one that doesn’t have insulation.

Umbrage

Umbrage: A feeling of anger caused by being offended

Did you hear the hear way that guy spoke!? Relax man, he didn’t mean any harm, you know that. That’s not the point. That guy had no damn respect, doesn’t he know who the hell he’s talking to!? Guess not. But, who the hell does? Look, can a guy just get some damn respect out here? Is that so hard to ask, Italics? You don’t need to ask for respect. Actually, the only proper way to garner respect is actually earning it Typeface. But still that guy had the galls to just… To just be so… So brazen that it pisses me off! Well he was Bold after all. Haven’t heard of him have you? You know I don’t keep up with politics. And that’s why no one ever respects you. I seriously feel like punching something. Don’t. You’ll just be even less respected, if that’s possible. Say, why do you still hang around me then? I’ve probably the worst reputation here. Aren’t you in it good around these parts? Well, maybe it just feels right, you know. Hanging around a vagrant like you is kind of relaxing. Seriously? You’re one weird dude man. Yeah but, I just like being special you know. No one else has the privilege of hanging out with a tried and true thug like yourself. Nah, I think I’m pretty normal. I’m probably just like ninety-nine percent of everyone else out here. Don’t kid yourself.

Toady

Toady: A person who tries to please someone to gain an advantage

Oh sir, would you please hand me your glass? If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you are getting up, in that case, allow me to hold the door for you. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you should not trouble yourself with him, I will guide him out. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you should not allow yourself to be spoken in such a way, I will teach him a lesson. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you wish for him to be terminated, I will see to it that he is gone. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. Oh sir, you wish for me to leave, in that case, I have no choice but to stop serving you, thank you for your continued gratitude. If anything, if anything I can do for you, that would be the least of my troubles. After all, I will no longer be needing your service either.

Recant

Recant: Formally reject or disavow a formerly held belief

Has he come yet? Who? The one who will save us from this interminable damnation. He who is foretold in all of the prophecies young and old who will shine holy fire to those who so go against his word. Have you no word of him? He is told to come, I know it, I believe it, everyone so believes it, and so, it must be true. He will save us from this painful existence, and he will bring us to salvation, if not him, then who? I will wait for all that is good in this world until he who is destined to save us descend upon this mortal realm. When is he coming? I have waited all my life for him, and yet, he has not  come. We have waited patiently for his arrival. Will he not come answer our prayers? Where is he? It can’t be, he will come. We will wait, until the day we die. Has he come yet? Is that so? We will wait, until the very last breath we take, to see him save our souls from this place of rot. It is so that he will never come. I can see that now. No matter how long we wait, he will not save us from this existence. We will die in peace.

Recalcitrant

Recalcitrant: Stubbornly resistant to authority or control

I’m a run-on sentence, which means that if I don’t create new words, I’ll eventually stop, but, grammatically, I’m the worst enemy of every high school teacher and the demise of every university student, and by all means, despite how tiring it might be to have a person read me with all of the haughtily placed punctuations to continue my existence, I am grateful that I can exist as an entity, after all, run-on sentences aren’t always the enemy to all literary mankind, no, there are many instances where a run-on sentence can be quite useful, for example, if one were to need to indicate a stream of consciousness then of course a run-on sentence would be used since a stream of consciousness is just that a stream of consciousness and nothing more nothing less it’s a collection of words and things that come together to try and string a cohesive thought and nothing less raw and more stringent can perfectly encapsulate what it is to be a human than the chaos and rush of a run-on sentence so much so that if I were to ever find myself in the bounds of a period I would hate it to the point or rebelling against the one who created me.

Quash

Quash: Put down by force or intimidation

Get your damn hands down! Okay, that didn’t work. Get on your damn knees, grovel to the floor, and make sure you don’t look up! No, he’s still looking. Okay. I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not kissing that dirt then you’re going to be in big trouble. One. Two. Three. I just looked silly. Damn it kid if you were my own son, I’d disown you! What?  What’d you say? You’d just kill yourself!? That’s drastic. Okay, last warning, are you going to come here, or not? It wasn’t the last warning. Christ kid, how far up is that stick you got? Damn job isn’t paying me enough. Look, I’m being paid by the hour, and, you’re wasting daylight by the hour. We’ve got a mutual understanding on that, but, if I don’t get you in there, I’m the one who’s out a job. Hell, I’d rather not be working this anyway. Maybe I’ll just let the kid go. Now that’ll be a story. Seriously, I’m authorized to use blunt trauma, you really don’t want to tread down this road, kid. I hate having to do this. You forced me. Sweet dreams idiot.

Quaff

Quaff: To swallow hurriedly or greedily or in one draught

There wasn’t any room for mistake, and there sure as hell wasn’t any room to wait. My boys behind me were clattering there feet to and fro the counter and to the car we had parked just out the door. We blew the cameras out first thing we got in, and checked the entire premise for any loose guards. It was like stealing candy from a baby, except, there was no joy in seeing anyone cry. The night was going to be a long one and the city seemed to be in a deep sleep. We had finally hit a gold mine, except there was no room for mistake, or to wait, and yet, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the manager’s forgotten sandwich just sitting at the counter. Everyone told me to hurry on with it and to start moving green, but, I hadn’t eaten dinner in preparation to the hit. I was chosen to stake out the place, and, to be frank, I wished I had eaten steak. It gnawed at me the entire day, the manager left his food on the counter, and never returned to get it. And, standing face to face with it then, it took every ounce of my will power to stave off that temptation. The thing is, we were flawless in what we did. We pick locked the doors, shot out the cameras, and we’re all fitted in black masks and gloves. We’re practically untraceable, not a single hair in sight. But the moment I go for that sandwich, I know I’ll lose myself and I’ll blow our cover. And so, as we were leaving the store, I grabbed the damn sandwich, ran out of the store as fast as I could and wolfed the bloody thing down in a single chew. Hardest job of my life.